Forgotten Foods

Food trends come and go. While they may be found on rare occasions, these foods, once in their prime, have nearly disappeared off the face of the earth- and we want them back. Sure a few were proven to be dangerous to our health, but much like Russian roulette, the risk was all part of the fun. Though no longer in our stomachs, these foods will forever be in our hearts. (originally written for IBY)

 

Jell-o Pudding Pops

These super yummy bars of goodness are a prime example of a food fad that is often imitated but never replicated. Though they are attempting a comeback, jell-o pudding pops haven’t been at the top of their game in quite some time. These chocolate bars and vanilla bars and chocolate/vanilla swirl bars were once staples in American freezers. Today’s freezers are full of low-fat, tasteless excuses of nourishment pumped with preservatives that, in the long run, will probably do more harm to your health than pudding pops could ever do. Cold-sweet-treat lovers of the world, don’t be fooled by any lo-cal wannabe bars. If it’s not good enough for Bill Cosby, it’s not good enough for you.

Dunk-A-Roos

Little crunchy cookie pieces with dipable frosting in one snack pack- hands down the best idea Betty Crocker ever had. And that broad has created some scrumptious treats over the years. Dunk-Aroos began in the late-80s and, by the mid-90s, were readily available, and were readily awesome. The cookies came in kangaroo shapes just waiting to be dipped in a puddle of flavored goodness and decapitated. The  redbulls of the 90s, Dunk-Aroos pumped children with the energy needed to go from lunch to recess. Not only did they give an awesome sugar high, they taught a very important lesson. Conservation. That tiny tub of frosting could rarely suffice all the cookies. So, if you were greedy with massive first dips, towards the end of your snacking session there would be lonely, un-iced cookies. Rarely seen in major grocery stores and even more rarely advertised, dunk-aroos have fallen off the lunch room radar. The reason remains a mystery.

Squeeze Its

Oh the nostalgia of hitting the bottle as a kid. After learning useful facts, like Pluto being a planet, getting make-believe drunk off Squeeze It juice was the best part of the week. Morally these should rank right up there with candy cigarettes, but few.never came to that realization. Squeeze Its had so many design flaws. They couldn’t be resealed. They couldn’t stand up on their own. They looked like they should be purchased in a paper bag. But they kicked Capri Sun’s ass. In the end, thirsts were quenched and clothes were stained. As far as artificial juices are concerned, Squeeze Its are second to none. (click below to read more)

Guess Ho: A Game of Skill

Recent legal action is forcing more and more prostitutes off Craig’s List and back onto the streets, where they belong.

Can you tell the difference between the pedestrians and the street walkers, the working girls and the “working-girls”, the average joes and the straight-up-hos? Sometimes it’s harder than it seems.

NUMBER ONE

NUMBER TWO

NUMBER THREE

NUMBER FOUR

NUMBER FIVE

NUMBER SIX

NUMBER SEVEN

NUMBER EIGHT

NUMBER NINE

NUMBER TEN

You can thank me when this comes in handy on those nights when you’re driving around lost *drunk* at midnight *3a.m* after a tiring night of studying *raging*. Will you be able to differentiate between asking the partying pedestrians or their prostitute counterparts for directions? *a sloppy blow-job*

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